Perfect maturity is when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation and don’t hurt them back.
The Size Zero Myth:
#Myth 1- I need REVENGE:
You have hurt me. So you should get punished for that. Revenge is the only path which will make me feel better.
#Myth 2- You have hurt me:
It’s your act that has broken my trust and it’s you who has hurt me.
#Myth 3- Forgiving is difficult:
It is next to impossible for me to forgive you. If by any chance I am able to forgive you, I am the bigger person.
The Wise Hero Reality:
Understand that he/she thought it was right at that time:
Each one is different, no one is right or wrong, we are just different. Acceptance means we accept the difference.
We need to understand, even in the toughest of situation that the other person had a perspective.
For example, many times we see our past & realize we have made few grave mistakes but at that time it was right as per our perspective
We need to forget about them being right or wrong. They must have done what they thought was right but we definitely thought it was wrong at that time. We still think it’s wrong, but the hurt is our own creation.
I create hurt myself:
No one is responsible for my hurt, pain, fear or anger. It is my own creation in response to their behaviour, and I have another choice. The choice to be happy.
A person can create a situation which can make you uncomfortable. But it’s you who choose to hurt yourself or remain stable.
We need to always remember that we have a choice. They have made a mistake but if we are hurt, it’s us who have chosen the pain.
We choose to remain hurt because we thought someone else is responsible for the pain, they were the ones who created the hurt & they will come and heal us.
‘My happiness does not depend on the other person’
I control my mind:
We say that there is a conflict between my brain which screams revenge & my heart which says forgive.
Spirituality teaches us, heart and brain are physical organs which cannot think and cannot feel. I, the mind (soul energy) create thoughts that is called thinking.
Once we know we create thoughts, we can choose them and we can change them. It is called controlling our mind. Our mind will create thoughts which are comfortable for us. Revenge is not a comfortable though, forgiveness is. Hence thought of forgiveness is created by the mind.
Mind is like a child, it will not listen when you force it. Check which thought is creating hurt, talk to yourself to change the thoughts, gradually mind will change thoughts and let go of hurt.
Rewinding the incident in mind is recreating the pain:
People around you might constantly remind you of the past incident, it dis-empowers you. Gentle reminders will recreate the same emotions again & again, those we want to forget.
If something has happened in the past, the best thing we can give ourselves and to others is, ‘delete’. Absolutely delete and go to the recycle bin & remove it from there also. Otherwise it will pop up again. It is the easiest way to heal ourselves & everyone around.
Forgiveness is difficult, not because of the act. It is because of the pain the act causes. As we go through the emotional pain and find healing difficult, hence we are unable to forgive.
If we are in pain it means we are hurting ourselves. It is high time we take a medicine for it or else it will turn into cancerous tumour because we are letting the hurt remain. Revisiting the pain is like rubbing the wound.
When we fall sick, we go to the doctor and take medicines to heal the pain. Why don’t we take care about healing our inner pain?
LIFE IS VERY VERY FAIR:
THE LAW OF KARMA:
Law of karma states that, what goes around comes around.
Whatever situation they have created which we think was not right, there can be two reasons:
- We understand that everything that has happened to us, was return of our Karma and that’s absolute truth. That answers all the question marks. We must have done something in the past which has come back to us and now we need to accept it gracefully. Now we need to protect ourselves rather that fighting back.
- They are creating new Karmic account with us. Their wrong doings will add on to their Karmas and they will also have to face its consequences. So we need not worry about that.
But we need to remember that if we live in past repeating the emotions, we are creating new Karmas which will come back in the future. So let us cut the cycle here.
NO negative thought for them at all. My account with them is over. Let me not carry forward the account.
Do not radiate negative thoughts for the other person. Before that affects them, it will affect you first and will be returned back too.
‘Revenge or Forgiveness’ is not a choice:
The way we think & behave is not for the other people, it is first for ourselves, because we are the first ones to experience it…
There is no choice between forgiveness and revenge. Someone did something which we think is not right, so we will do something wrong. This thought is absolutely conflicting. When we think it’s not right how can we do it? Even if we do it, it’s us who will feel the most uncomfortable doing it.
We can’t hurt them, if they take care of themselves (their mind) and not let what we do affect them, mission unaccomplished. But yes we will definitely hurt ourselves again
We don’t forgive them. We forgive ourselves by letting it go. By accepting what they have done, we forgive ourselves for the emotional abuse we have caused to our state of mind.
The choice is yours:
Happiness is not a dependency, it’s a decision.
You see someone in a different light and they turn out to be a different person. Internally we have one choice, to accept people how they are and remain stable. Externally we can make a choice to continue the relationship or not. But it has to be without hatred and negativity, as doing that would be emotional abuse, because it will not damage the other person, but damage us.
Many times in relationships if we continue to radiate positive energy to the other person and remain stable, the relationship can revive as the thoughts are powerful. But even if that doesn’t happen, we first have to heal ourselves.
Forget & Move On:
Remembering the incident would mean pulling yourself back & blocking your journey when you are trying to move ahead.
Real meaning of FORGET:
It does not mean forgetting the incident as that is not possible. It means practice of forgetting the pain associated with the incident. This way the memory will not hurt us. Earlier the incident was recalled automatically as we were addicted to the pain it caused. Now as we let go of hurt, the incident also will not be remembered.
I am liberated and free.
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Meet the Author
Pooja Mitra also liked to be called as 'The Wise Hero' is an Electronics & Communication Engineer by education and a Blogger by passion. Pooja is a spiritual soul, travel enthusiast and a health fanatic who shares her journey through her blog From Size Zero to Wise Hero. She is also the owner of and blog consultant at The Blogipedia. When not in front of a backlit device, she dabbles in music and art.Learn more
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